It is very difficult to come across a female who publicly declares her intentions to visit the bathroom/toilet/latrine/lavatory/restroom to execute either number one or two. I am not implying mounting a loudspeaker, but the mere thought of others (especially males) finding out that one is in the bathroom ( are people who visit the bathroom abnormal? Trivia question). For this reason, it is not uncommon to hear a female turn on the shower to distract the attention of those within hearing distance from her toilet business. On the contrary many males proudly boast about their toilet exploits even when apprehended about how foul smelling their number two was, the response given often is: “That is evidence of good living.” I know this is a very private business and uncomfortable topic, but please we need to release majority of the female population from the shackles of toilet usage (This is not a behavior exclusive to females, for some males have demonstrated such traits, however it is more common in females).
During my stay in a boarding home for a number of years, I was introduced to several euphemisms coined for business #2, such as “blasting” and “blocking”. For we females these terms where used only in the inner female caucus, despite the fact that the males expressively threw these terms wherever and whenever. It was at this point that it really hit me hard that majority of females refuse to acknowledge that they do business #2, regardless of the option of the above sugar coated alternates. Now, do not bother about preaching the sermon of how it is unladylike to make your intentions clearly known. In fact, 2 Face Idibia’s words in his song, ‘Nfana Ibanga’ ring clear in my head, “I noe go come dey form like say I no dey shayt.”
This is not an attempt to be downright nasty, but an appeal to the female population to accept that it is natural for all animals/mammals/humans to excrete waste products from their body systems. Honestly, things are becoming very critical, I have witnessed a situation where a lady was having a conversation with someone and then suddenly requested to be excused without giving any reason. Of course, whomever she was talking to thought she was trying to make an escape, so the person detained her and my poor lady was in dire straits. Oh yes, I have been a victim of such “ladylike politeness” in former times, but I have come to realize that there is nothing wrong in requesting to be excused to go use the restroom.
On a lighter note, it will help to think about the embarrassing moments you may have encountered while in the bathroom. I will take the first turn. Recently, I hurriedly made my way to use one of the restrooms in school and as soon as I got done with my business, I washed my hands and stretched them out to get a paper towel from one of those hand motion sensor devices. (You know, those things can be very annoying). As I turned to leave, the entire box came crashing down to the floor and it sounded like I had just blown up the entire bathroom. Calmly, I tried to collect my thoughts in this rather unfortunate moment while attempting to reset this exasperating device back, but all to no avail. Finally, I decided to set it on the sink and take the walk of shame out of the restroom, bearing in mind that the next person using the facility after me will wonder what had happened. Feel free to share one of your embarrassing toilet business experiences (definitely, you have had several) whether you are male or female.
eeewww.. lol.. but mehn, i really don't like to do number 2 when i'm visiting someone i'v just met at their house!! As it is, I am somewhat Lactose intolerant, something I picked only after I had some kind of stomach sickness when I was in my late teens. On this fateful day, I had just started to come to terms with what I could and could not eat with my "new condition". I did not know yogurts would give me a terrible lactose intolerance day, so I went ahead and had some nice tasting yogurts after dinner while sleeping over at the house of a family that was hosting me on holidays.. all seemed well and good, we all wished each other a good night rest, and went to sleep. This is when my wahala started oo! my stomach become so blotted and it hurt badly, from the intolerance problem. I tried holding it in for about a few more hours, hoping I can stay till the morning time, when I would have a good excuse for turning on the shower to cover the typical "bomb blast" I was aware this intolerance problem had been causing me lately anytime I try to take a shyt! but the night seemed to last forever and the pains worsened.. becoming unbearable, I get up from the bed, hurry to the bathroom, and try to 'go gently' on letting out the accumulated gas! but it wasn't working.. all of a sudden, the moment... BBBBBBLLLLAAAAM!!! It gas let it self out.. I could feel the shame setting in already. to make matters worse, the house was built typical western style, with wood. the echos evidently went through the house, but I tried to be optimistic wishing no one heard that blast. But it was not to be.. a few moments later, I heard a knock on the bathroom door, I had woken up the light sleepers in the house, which happened to be virtually everybody!!! I started trying to give a story.. all they could do was laugh and "hail" my bomb power.. lol.. since then, I watch it on the dairy products, except i'm at my house, alone or not, at least its my bathroom :-D
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